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The archive of parenting articles is organized by month, to feature themes that commonly emerge during a traditional academic year and to give parents a chance to anticipate what might next occur with their student.
Each month's collection of articles is identified with a few key themes, helping you to find content to support your parenting.
June Articles (Key Themes: freedom and support, communicating, family meetings, grades)
Parenting Then & Now
In what ways can your recollections of your early parenting guide you as your son or daughter progresses through college?
What qualities did you exhibit when your child was learning to ride a bike or to tie shoes? Are you less patient with your college student than when he or she tried to master something new as a young child? Around what situations do you expect your student to struggle
or possibly fail while at college? Gain tips and strategies for effectively parenting your college student. June 2012
Asking Questions - And Getting Answers
We have asked our children countless questions over the years and as our children pass into and beyond their teen years our questions are often met with shorter responses, avoidance, and a vagueness that leaves us hanging onto every word to find out what is “really” going on. This pattern occurs as part of a child’s normal development toward adulthood, but we have a role to consider as well. Asking questions is both art and science - gain tips and strategies. June 2011
The Business of Family Meetings
More and more families are finding it both productive and necessary to bring family members together to talk about family issues. Gone are the days of when the family meeting meant that bad news was on the way. Learn what's working for parents as they shape family meetings that their pre-college and college-aged children actually enjoy. June 2010
More Than Just A Grade – Assessing Your Student’s Learning
Evaluating your pre-college or college student’s learning by simply looking at the letter grade on a transcript is a trap that may leave you misinformed. Kay provides advice for delving deeper into the effort that went into getting that grade, which provides a more revealing and rewarding understanding of your child’s performance. June 2009
July Articles (Key Themes: decision making, stress, motivation, using stories to convey messages)
A Day at the Beach
Beaches are wonderful places to observe people and to overhear all sorts of conversations. I recently sat in front of a group of college students and next to a family with two children. I was reminded about all the situations that college students have to navigate -- many of which will challenge their decision-making skills and how important it is to continue to provide opportunities for our sons and daughters to experience cause and effect. July 2012
While colleges and universities recognize that there has been a documented increase in stress on their campuses, it is rare to find, in the "Useful Resources for Parents" section of their parent pages, any reference to publications that illuminate what is commonly referred to as the "campus mental health crisis." While I can appreciate that colleges and universities don't want to alarm parents and increase already-high levels of concern, I do believe that we can parent better if we have a sense of the full range of what our student might encounter, emphasis on "might," during his or her college experience. Gain useful perspectives to guide your parenting.July 2011
The Lazy Days of Summer: When Your Child Seems to Lack Motivation
Learn 14 strategies to parent your child through bouts of lack of motivation and recognize where and when your child seems most engaged and energized.
July 2010
Dare to Share – Using Your Stories to Support Life Lessons
Your personal stories provide opportunities to transmit lessons and connect with your children via your emotions, choices and actions. For your pre-college or college student, stories provide evidence and support to the life lessons that you desire to share, engaging them in the details of how you solved a particular problem, overcame a challenge, dealt with an emotional hardship, or dove into an unknown experience. Kay offers ten tips for incorporating those stories into your successful parenting approach. July 2009
August Articles (Key Themes: arriving at college, parenting toward success, saying good-bye, transitions)
Arriving at College -- A Family Affair
For many families bringing one’s student to college has truly become a family affair, but the expression “The more the merrier” is not always experienced in quite this way by the student. Gain tips and strategies to limit or decrease the stress that is typically associated with the transition of bringing one's student to college. August 2012
Five College Parenting Tips: Courtesy of Excellent Coaches
There are wonderful parallels between great coaching and excellent coaching. Join me in the land of no excuses, anticipate and prepare, no complaining, practice cultivates confidence, and adverse circumstances are inevitable. Gain tips and strategies to more effectively guide your college student toward success. August 2011
Saying Good-bye
Saying good-bye can be a stressful time for both you and your student. Learn strategies to make the most of the weeks and days leading up to your student's departure and gain tips to think strategically about what to say and when. August 2010
Transitions are central to every family system, and for pre-college and college students the most common transitions often present great opportunities for growth in the areas of personal responsibility, academic development and relationships with others. Kay presents eleven tips and strategies for successful parenting during times of transition. August 2009
September Articles (Key Themes: communicating, productive behaviors, returning to school)
Parenting Approaches and the Messages They Convey
Most of us employ a range of parenting approaches in our interactions with our children, making adjustments as they falter and succeed. When they falter we sometimes falter too, falling into patterns of interaction that might seem to work in the moment, but ultimately hinder our student’s personal development and diminish opportunities for him or her to experience important life lessons that emerge during the college years. September 2012
And then They Go: And the Complaints Start Rolling In
What does it really mean when your student complains and what can you do to guide your student toward more productive behavior? Gain tips and strategies to move your student from complainer to problem solver. September 2011
Communicating With Your Student: How Much Is Too Much?
Learn about your communication patterns with your student and become aware of unintended messages that you might convey. September 2010
Back to School – Returning to the Unknown
Become aware of the stressors encountered when children return to their schools and colleges after summer vacation, and assess your parenting attitudes and behaviors in this time of newness and uncertainty. Appreciate the developmental opportunities for your pre-college or college student as they successfully transition from the unknown, and continue to discover who they are. September 2009
October Articles (Key Themes: student stress, trust, indicators of success)
In the Thick of It: Parenting Strategies for Mid-semester
Fading is the excitement of being back or starting new. Students look tired, many have a cold brewing, and some have gained weight while others have lost. Many have failed or skipped something – a quiz, a test, a class. What seemed fun and possible may now be exhausting and even feel unattainable. Some students are thriving, but many are working against a tide of depletion – lack of sleep, poor diet, and stress. Learn ways to be supportive from miles away. October 2011
Don't You Trust Me?
Trust is a basic building block of interpersonal relationships. When a student goes to college, parents are often faced with exploring whether or not they trust their child to make good decisions and to stay safe. This article includes strategies for interacting with your student around the issue of trust. October 2010
How’s It Going? – Parenting From a Distance
Kay explores the difficulties in getting an accurate measure of how your pre-college or college student is doing socially and academically when he or she is away from home. Includes a checklist of positive behaviors that may serve as indicators of success, open-ended questions that encourage your child to open-up, tell-tale signs of serious problems, and ways you can parent supportively while your student gains greater confidence in decision making. October 2009
October/November (Key Theme: student stress)
So Much to Do, So Little Time
October into November is when the reality of college life and academic expectations settle in and most students are scrambling for more time -- as if it is a commodity that can be gathered and stockpiled. They seek more time to do assignments, more time to study, more time to sleep, more time to socialize (always), and so on. They most often see themselves as victims of time! Gain some suggestions for supporting and guiding your student as the demands of the semester begin to pile on.October/November 2012
November Articles (Key Themes: stress, problem solving, communicating
Navigating the Holidays: When Your Student Comes Home
This month's topic was offered as a free webinar for the month of November 2011. It is now offered for $15.99. In the webinar you will learn about anticipating common areas of conflict that exist when your college student returns home, strategies for reducing stress and tips for communicating expectations and reaching shared rules and understandings. November 2011
Problem Soving 101
It can be painful to watch your student struggle during the semester, but there are quite a few things that you can do to guide your son or daughter to explore resources and develop solutions to challenges. In this article take time to think about how you typically respond to your student and how that facilitates or hinders your interactions. Learn communication strategies that facilitate your student's problem solving skills. November 2010
Wanted: Crystal Ball - Fielding Questions About Your Student's Future
There are often high expectations for pre-college and college students to have a clear vision of their academic and career path, and the well-meaning questions of curious relatives at a holiday gathering can seem like an interrogation for a student who isn't prepared. Kay illustrates the benefit gained by our sons and daughters when they have the time necessary to make their best academic and career choices, gives five strategies to support them in doing so, and provides ten ways to equip them to respond when they hear a barrage of questions coming their way for which they haven't yet arrived at answers. November 2009
December Articles (Key Themes: gift giving, decision making, end-of-semester stress)
Great Gifts for Your College Student
With holiday gift giving fast approaching, and many young people already having the latest and greatest in technology, fashion and entertainment, it can be challenging to come up with a present that will both benefit your student and have some staying power. I am not suggesting that you forgo the fun or frivolous, but also consider a gift that has the potential to transform your student’s sense of self and enhance his or her ability to navigate situations and interact with the world. December 2011
Second Thoughts: Making a Major Decision
Mid-year, when one semester is ending and your student is existing between what was and what could be, you might notice your son or daughter expressing second thoughts about any number of decisions that he or she has made. Sometimes the doubts are about one's academic major, the pursuit of a particular career path, or whether or not the current college is a good fit. Students can feel very frustrated when they have second thoughts about important academic decisions. Gain tips and learn strategies for guiding your son or daughter as he or she experiences second thoughts.
December 2010
The Stress Factor
As the semester or marking period progresses we can see the stress level rise in our children. It is during these weeks that we often feel a heightened concern for our students and experience our own sense of stress. In this article you will gain strategies for supporting your student through end-of-semester stress and for helping your student manage the stress that he or she experiences as a normal accompaniment to campus life. December 2009
January Articles (Key Themes: unhappiness, navigating risk, focus on future, parenting choices)
Unhappy at College
Whether your student is only intermittently unhappy or completely miserable with his or her college experience, you can successfully guide your student to take positive steps that help him or her to manage adversity and to restore happiness. Gain greater awareness about the signs of true unhappiness and strategies to guide your student toward being the one who can successfully change aspects of his or her situation. January 2013
Helping Your Student to Navigate Risk
While colleges have public safety or police officers, and administrators looking out for the safety and well-being of the students, the opportunities to make bad choices are multitudinous and they come at a time when students feel vulnerable, experience uncertainty, and when they might not yet have the skills, maturity, or perspectives with which to adequately cope, resist, or change the situations to which they are exposed or in which they are engaged. Gain tips and strategies for how you might help your student to prepare for and navigate common risks in college. January 2012
Fresh Start: Looking Ahead
While you are wondering about how your student did last semester, he or she is wondering about whether the car is available tonight. Consider being less interested in what was and more focused on what can evolve this coming semester. Your student will always have reason why things didn't work out as planned, and it will rarely be because he or she admits to "messing up." Gain strategies to stay out of the battle zone and to incorporate the past by talking about the future. Don't be caught in that familiar place where you son or daughter says, "You have no idea how hard the class was or how bad the professor was." Going down this path rarely yields positive results. January 2011
Parenting "the Right Way"
We all experience those moments, especially when going through a challenging time, where we wonder how our parenting measures up. My clients frequently ask me if they are parenting "the right way", and I often respond by saying, "there are many right ways." This article identifies some of the characteristics and behaviors that are common to parents who generally feel positive about their parenting skills and effort, and invites you to take time to think about your parenting patterns and habits. January 2010
February Articles (Key Themes: choosing careers, work, and maintaining your long distance relationship with your student)
Do What You Love
Family members often play a role in helping their student to choose a career direction during the college years. Sometimes graduate school is an immediate next step, but many students attempt the feat of finding employment. In lean times we often hear, "Take what you can get," but in times of plenty we might more commonly hear, "Do what you love and the rest will fall into place." How can you help your student, throughout college, to discover and pursue what he or she loves? February 2012
Never Too Early: Guiding Your Student Toward Employability
Most students waited far too late to adequately prepare themselves to stand out in the candidate pools for internships, summer jobs, or full-time employment beyond college. As a parent you can play an instrumental role throughout the college years, guiding your student toward opportunities and experiences that will maximize his or her employability, encouraging your student to fully utilize the career and internship resources at his or her institution, and having conversations with your student that grow his or her ability to effectively communicate all that he or she has to offer. In this article gain insights and strategies to enhance your student's employability. February 2011
Long Distance Love - Expressing Love and Support to your Student
There are volumes written about how to maintain a long distance relationship, as in the romantic kind, but very little has been written about maintaining and expressing parental love and support when a child goes away to college. Perhaps the experts think we will just figure it out, and of course for the most part we do, yet in my parent coaching work I encounter parents who feel a strong sense of loss and sadness when they cannot convey what was once so easy for them through a caring hug or daily acts of kindness. Join me and co-contributor Jane Stachowiak, Director of Student Wellness & Health Promotion at Berklee College of Music, as we consider ways to expand expressions of long distance parental love and support in this month's article. February 2010
March Articles (Key Themes: Communication, worry, study abroad)
The Words You Choose
The words you choose are often the most impactful tool that you use in your interactions with your student. Your words can contribute to changes in your college student’s feelings and thoughts, positively and negatively – and it is when feelings and thoughts change that new actions and behaviors emerge. Interestingly, the words we use even shape our parenting style. March 2012
Subduing the Worrywart
When we worry we transport our parenting into the "What if" zone. Our frame of thinking then influences what comes next -- our words and interactions with our student. Worry is one of the most counterproductive mental activities in which one can engage when parenting a college student. Kay provides insight into the sources for worry and strategies to refocus your mental energy. March 2011
The Next Adventure
Whether your child seeks to travel abroad for the first time or is a seasoned traveler, it is rare for parents not to have questions and concerns. More than ever, parents seek to determine the value of their student's opportunity to go abroad and they want assurances about health, safety, and program costs. Many parents share that just when they get comfortable with their student being away at college, their student is approaching them about going abroad. It is this new adventure that often requires parents to yet again evaluate the role they seek to have in parenting their student through the choices and decisions associated with participating in a learning experience in another country. This article is about parenting your student as he or she explores opportunities to study or travel abroad. Learn about The Next Adventure, from co-contributor Sue Atkins, International Education Consultant. March 2010
April Articles (Key Themes: parenting observations, exploring choices, financial literacy, making decisions)
Observations From a Parent Coach
Kay's clients often ask, when they have a situation with their student, “Do you see this a lot?” In this article Kay shares what she encounters and observes the most in her work and travels as a parent coach and parent educator. April 2012
The Best Choice: Isn't There Really More Than One
Have you ever decided on something as your first choice or best choice only to have it fall through? During the college years your student is in the position of regularly making significant choices. Interestingly, most of the research reveals that the majority of students actively seek advice from their parents. So what does this mean for you? April 2011
A Sense About Cents
In a society where very little money passes from hand-to-hand, our children are faced with many opportunities to overspend while away at college. The temptations range from expensive off-campus meals to on-line gambling and shopping. As parents, we cannot afford to underestimate the need to provide our children with a financial education. Even colleges and universities have recognized this need, and are offering personal financial management and budgeting classes to students in the first year or so of attending college. This article provides you with ideas about how to assess what your son or daughter may already know and offers ideas about anticipating and creating teachable moments to strengthen you child's personal financial awareness. April 2010
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions – Supporting Your College Student’s Decision Making Ability
A pre-college or college student who becomes a more confident decision maker becomes more involved and invested in the outcomes of his or her educational experience. Use the 11-step process Kay outlines in this month’s article to support your child in practicing and sharpening his or her decision making.
April 2009
My daughter mouthed the words as I began to say them, "Don't decide now how things are going to be later."
A mantra of sorts that effectively shifts her from deciding in the present how poorly she might do on a test next week, or how tough an opponent might be on the court a few days from now. These same words have opened the door to conversations about how quickly situations and people can change, and the phrase has facilitated discussions about action steps that she might take now, instead of solely forecasting a future of doom and gloom. In this article gain additional phrases to add to your parenting toolbox. May 2012
Planting Seeds - Don't Underestimate the Time It Takes: In our day-to-day parenting we can feel like our guidance is falling on deaf ears and unresponsive minds. This can make our effort seem rather futile and lead to a build up of frustration. We often convey instructions, give advice and share options with our college student with the hope that it will be nearly instantly integrated, but more often than not we underestimate the time it takes for an idea or suggestion to take hold. Learn what strategies worked for two different clients. May 2011
Home for the Summer
When our children come home for the summer, even a portion of it, they are teetering between patterns of childhood and the reasonably emerging adult that they have become while living away from home. For many families there are adjustments that need to occur and expectations that need to be established or clarified. This article identifies some of the common areas of conflict that families experience when their student re-enters the family system, and offers suggestions in how to create and discuss expectations, while also considering priveleges and consequences. May 2010
My Summer Vacation – Reinforcing College Success Skills
Kay recounts an experience with her step-son to illustrate how the summer break provides opportunities for a pre-college or college student to develop concrete skills, knowledge and different perspectives. Included is a list of ten skills that contribute to student success at college that you can use to inventory what you might want to strengthen in your child before he or she returns to class.
May 2009
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