.pdf version

In the Thick of It: Parenting Strategies for Mid-semester                  

Parenting Strategies – October 2011   

Copyright © 2011 by Kay Kimball Gruder, SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com

Fading is the excitement of being back or starting new. Students look tired, many have a cold brewing, and some have gained weight while others have lost. Many have failed or skipped something – a quiz, a test, a class. What seemed fun and possible may now be exhausting and even feel unattainable. Some students are thriving, but many are working against a tide of depletion – lack of sleep, poor diet, and stress. 

 

How can you be supportive from miles away? Sometimes your student shares his or her pain and sometimes your student will hide it – many times we suspect that something is up in that way that family just knows.

 

Stress breeds stress and one of the most supportive ways that you can respond is to be aware when you might be adding fuel to the fire. With the ability to use technology and social media to communicate at any given moment, you need to be mindful of how frequently and about what you communicate. Your student might not need to know that the basement flooded, because this sort of information can be upsetting and add stress to your student’s life at college. 

I always encourage parents to first think about what they want to communicate -- why now (as in this moment), for what purpose, and for whose benefit? These are not questions that we are in the habit of asking, but they are effective in helping us to refine our communication pattern to reduce conversations that add stress or worry to our student’s life away from home.

 

Supporting your student during the semester might feel like you really aren’t doing much at all, but even parenting from the sidelines, when done consistently, lets your student know that you see him or her as competent.

 

You will also be keeping communication open and helping your student to gather his or her reserves for the push to Thanksgiving break and beyond.

 

1. If your student calls to vent – just listen and end the conversation with,

“Let me know if you want to brainstorm any options or next steps together.”

or “Feel free to think through any solutions or next steps that you are considering when we talk.”

 

2. If your student calls for your input – offer to partner in brainstorming an array of options, asking questions that prompt your student to come up with possible solutions. Questions like, “What are some strategies that you see other students using?”

 

3. Send things to your student in postal mail – a quote, a joke, a photo, something from a younger sibling, a note, but don’t expect anything in return.

 

4. If you visit your student on campus -- recognize that your student’s life doesn’t stop just because you are there, and figure out beforehand what sort of time you might spend together.

 

5. Consistently guide your student toward campus resources to support academics and health and wellness. Think of planting seeds instead of forcing advice. “I noticed the campus learning center offers a lot of tutoring sessions – I bet they have someone who can help you.” Or, “I see the counseling center is offering a workshop on time management next Tuesday – I bet that is a popular one.”

 

6. If your student comes home for a little break -- to catch up on work and sleep -- try not to plan anything. Instead, recognize that your student quite likely desires to get lots of sleep and possibly see a few friends. Your student will definitely need to use this time to recharge for the remaining weeks of the semester.